On her Instagram page, Britney Spears has shared a number of audio snippets in which she talks about her estrangement from her two sons, Sean Preston, 16, and Jayden, 15.
Jayden defended his grandfather in an interview with 60 Minutes Australia that aired last week, saying that people don’t “realise how much he cares about her” Spears, 40, details everything in the five-part audio recording, from her sadness over losing contact with her boys to her troubled relationship with her father, Jamie Spears, saying she “prays he burns in hell” The teen and his brother both live with their father, Kevin Federline, who has claimed that his ex-w
Spears expresses her pain in the audio track, describing how missing her children makes her feel like “a large part of me has died.”
People don’t remember that part because they always concentrate on the negative, but when they were 6 to 9 years old, I had them 70% of the time. Since they’ve been gone, I’ve honestly felt like a huge part of me has died. Like literally, I have no purpose anymore. They were my joy, they were my everything… that was what I lived for. And then all of a sudden, they were gone, and I was like, oh my God, did m’ve done something wrong
Spears also discusses her views toward her father, who in 2008, following several hospital stays, placed his daughter under a conservatorship, and retracts her earlier response to Jayden’s assertions. (In a post on Instagram from September 2, the singer responded to her son’s criticism of her explicit posts by saying, “Sorry you feel I do it for attention. I’m sorry for the way you feel. But guess what? I’ve got news for you. I’m a child of God as well as we all are in God’s eyes. So NOPE I’m not sorry. I’ve learned to say SO!!!”)
However, Spears claims that remark should have been spoken to her father in her most recent audio clip.
I’ve always been told that the only person who can mend your heart is the one who shattered it; go to the source. But that will never happen, since I wish he burns in hell, the pop diva continues, “Me stating I’m a child of God is something I shouldn’t have uttered to you guys.”
She also says that she used to go to AA meetings because her father forced her to, and that she was “never able to skip any sessions.”
She claims that her treatment “broke me off from all I knew. I did feel like they were trying to kill me. The way my dad made it for me, I had to go no matter what.”
According to Spears, the years she was compelled to keep quiet are what gave her the drive to be heard today.
She says, “With my kids saying she’s not good enough and wants attention now, sure, I do want to be heard, and I’m angry. “I’m sorry if I upset you people in any way, but all I know is that my love for my children is greater than everything else.”
She leaves her sons a note at the end of the recording.
I hope you’re using your punching bag I gave you. Until then, Jayden and Preston, I appreciate you. I was told you guys had blocked me. I’m so lucky to even be able to name you my children, and I just want to let you know that I apologise for my naivety in saying “so” to you guys — that was meant for my father. “You guys are fantastic in the gym. Happy early birthday. You guys can do pull ups. Wow.”