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Tristan Thompson was jeered by Khloé Kardashian at a major premiere.

Tristan Thompson was jeered by Khloé Kardashian at a major premiere.

Coleman Spilde and Kyndall Cunningham, our in-house Kardashian specialists, analyse Episode 6 of the struggles of our adored dynasty. (Supermodels, Siri, and stitches, oh my!)

Kris Jenner’s rusty bones were unfortunately not the focus of this week’s episode of The Kardashians, but we do get some nice audio while she is getting her sutures out. Despite this, the show is surprisingly heavy (no pun intended), thanks to Kim’s “Icons” campaign for SKIMS, Kravis’ unexpected Las Vegas nuptials, The Kardashians’ meta Season 1 premiere, and presumably a lack of Kendall discussing her ventures.

This show has so far had a hard time making the accomplishments of these well-known billionaires appear original or interesting, which is possibly why Kourtney is leaning toward low culture by getting married to an Elvis impersonator. However, it was hilarious to watch Kim swoon over Tyra Banks and Heidi Klum while she was filming for SKIMS, getting them to eat beignets like they were some strange delicacy. Kim looking like she has no idea what to do in front of the camera is amusing as she then involves herself in the session.

There’s also more pointing towards a Pete Davidson cameo at The Kardashians premiere that ultimately doesn’t come to fruition, although we’ve all seen the photographs of them hand-in-hand on the red-carpet previously. At this point, we might have to infer that Davidson intended to be invisible on the show due to the hostility he was receiving from Kanye West fans, but is okay with being referred to as The Invisible Man. Or perhaps the creators are aware of how uninteresting this programme is overall and feel the need to tease his appearance for as long as possible to keep people interested. Only time will tell.

Coleman: Imagine my surprise when I saw our long-lost sister, Kourtney, in the opening scene of this episode—and, dare I say, my happiness. Kourt has only had one or two scenes up till this point in five episodes. However, Kourtney is now our brightest star after her “marriage” to Travis Barker in Vegas.

Kourt updates us on her extremely busy week, which included attending the Grammy Awards and a photo shoot for a project called Daring Vegan Chicken with Travis. In glam, Kourtney shares pictures of her and Travis’ chapel wedding on the Las Vegas Strip with her employees, which made me wonder: Kyndall, what is the lowest pay you would take to pretend to adore Kourtney Kardashian’s antics?

At least $12 million, says Kyndall. The real MVP of this episode is everyone who had to pretend to be excited while listening to Kourtney’s rendition of the tale, including [PR executive] Simon Huck. It highlighted how difficult Producer Danielle’s job is to moderate those confessionals (more on her later!).

The scenes with Kourtney this week didn’t excite me as much. I thought this storyline—and all of the Kravis appearances—to be a bit of a snooze because, despite the fact that Kravis has helped revive the Kardashian brand, the couple is already overexposed at this time. The fact that there is some ambiguity about Kim’s relationship with Pete makes me respect how she has handled it more.

Coleman: Yes, I’m still drooling over the prospect of seeing Pete. However, as this episode reveals, he’s constantly hiding just out of sight. One aspect of Kourtney’s wedding tale that I really liked was how the Elvis impersonator who married them kept referring to Kourtney as “Khloé” (spoken without the accent—so it’s difficult to get a good Elvis impersonator these days). The fifth “babe” between Kourt and Travis in a 10-second period made me thrilled to see her again, but by that point, I had passed out and was unable to physically awaken until another Kardashian came into view.

Kyndall: Thank God it’s Kris Jenner because I believe he should now take the position of the character from the Operation board game. In the following scene, our patient matriarch is having stitches removed from her hip by a doctor who appeared to be a car salesman in the middle of her filthy, sweaty gym instead of a doctor’s office?

I didn’t think we could top the equally bizarre and horrifying surgery scene from the previous week. But seeing these tranquil pictures of Kris’s backyard and pool and hearing Kris moan from within her garage made me scream. Kris then begins to cry in front of the camera, saying, “It’s such a mindfuck! THAT’S A MINDFUCK!

Coleman: I can understand why she was upset—having the general manager of a Jack in the Box rip out my sutures in a garage would be a mindfuck, for sure! She’s sort of doing Requiem for a Dream. Kim also shared with us her belief that a hip replacement procedure will only require a tiny incision. Evidently, she didn’t hear Kris’ femur being chopped off by the doctor’s sythe last week, which was a death knell. However, Kim is preoccupied with managing other matters, including as her ICONS campaign for Skims (and how to wedge her way into the shoot).

Kyndall: I had a few concerns with the casting of this photoshoot, so let’s move on to the campaign. Yes, Candice Swanepoel is among the most well-known Victoria Secret Angels from the previous ten years. (Her participation was also a little surprising because a month ago, before he went full Louis Farrakhan, she was supposed to be dating Kanye West.) BUT is she a role model? specifically, one comparable to Tyra Banks and Heidi Klum? If someone were to be shown a picture of her, could they identify her? Personally, I believe that if Kim really wanted the picture shoot to be a #moment, she should have stayed in the ’90s and hung out with supermodel boom ladies. How did you feel?

Coleman: You literally pulled my words out of my lips. Candice’s casting simply seemed inappropriate. I also think that Kim didn’t know how to pronounce her last name because she repeatedly said, “Heidi Klum, Tyra Banks, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Candice…,” when she introduced the cast to Kris. She could have also gotten a few bigger names, but that is irrelevant. She was unable to detract attention from the campaign’s true star—herself. Kim pretends to object to Heidi’s request for her to be in a few pictures before giving in right away.

I can’t, she repeatedly tells the cameras. I was unable! I’m not like most models. I didn’t intend to carry out this action today! Pete Davidson is taking me to Carbone tonight, so, yes, sure. Few people are aware that Taylor Swift penned “Mastermind” from the perspective of her former foe.

LMAO, Kyndall. Throughout the entire process, Kim’s fake modesty and anxiety over modelling underwear were fascinating to watch. In their dressing room before the shoot, she told Alessandra and Candace a “very humorous” story about how she had once seen them in a Miami club after a Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. I also found this to be entertaining. Kim, where is the punchline? That was nothing compared to the lighthearted banter Tyra and Heidi shared, including Tyra’s stand-up routine on Kim’s robot toilet.

Coleman: Tyra was once again demonstrating her value to the group and popular culture in general. Are the crimes of America’s Next Top Model sufficiently in the past for us to claim that? Jury is dead. This episode included a lot of glam—prediction Kourtney’s of a busy week came true! Our prophet. The timeframe becomes distinctly Kardashian at this point. We are currently watching the sixth episode of Season 2, but they are already getting ready for the Season 1 premiere, which took place back in April.

Kyndall: The timeframe is quite perplexing, especially in light of the Tristan Thompson controversy that ruined the first episode.

But now for the big reveal! This season is 90% made up of the Kardashians getting ready for things and acting nervous or excited about them in their confessionals. It’s widely discussed how big of a deal it is that one of their reality series will finally get a posh, red-carpet debut. (This is really accurate; I googled “KUWTK premiere” on Google Images and saw nothing.) I recognise the element of novelty in this situation. But at this point in their careers, attending a premiere can’t possibly be that intimidating or stressful for them.

Coleman: To their credit, I searched for “Kim Kardashian “Disaster Movie” Premiere” on Google and came up empty-handed. Perhaps this is the one unusual thing they haven’t done much of yet. I liked seeing Kris repeatedly ask Siri how to spell “zhoosh.” Someone didn’t finish their studies at the Jush Jasmine Masters Academy. The premiere appeared to be a lot of fun, but I can’t image how bizarre it would be to watch such a complete vanity effort in the audience. Like that one promo image of The Fabelmans that is always praised, they kept cutting to the audience.

Then there was Khloé who once more entered the running for episode MVP with the audience yelling, “LIAR!” during a scene from the premiere where Tristan lied to her face about his dedication to her and growing their family. Normally, I don’t like when the crowd gets too involved, but this was one for the books.

Kyndall: Khloé’s yelling was undoubtedly a kind of self-defense. Everyone recalls how dull the pilot was. The worst part of the night for everyone had to be having to sit down in this wonderful, drunken environment and watch the Kardashians have a producer-planned BBQ on a huge cinema screen.

Can we talk about how Khloé leaves this “once in a lifetime moment” early because she needs to get to the gym first thing in the morning on another Khloé-related note? That saddened me!

Coleman: That actually captures the current state of our renowned family in the best way possible—fewer afterparties, more early evenings spent getting ready for four-hour gym sessions. And that makes sense because the primary trio are all in their 30s and 40s and have families to take care of. But for me, at least, seeing that spooky Season 1 opener play in the middle of a mediocre second season was a bit of a wake-up call. I fear that a Season 3 might not be in these girls’ future if they don’t quickly and permanently turn up the heat.

Sibling Excellence

Strongest Sister: This week, Kendall makes her shortest outing of the season thus far (telling a caller that she was in Vegas for “like 10 hours”). And wow, are we grateful for it! Any absence of this overly anxious supermodel blandly expressing her love for being a girl boss is welcome. Additionally, this week’s lack of forceful closeups on 818 Tequila bottles gave many other characters a chance to stand out. Kenny, I appreciate your service.

Most Annoying Producer Moment: On this programme, producer Danielle is kind of starting to become my worst nightmare. And I understand that she has a difficult time getting any comedy or insight out of these incredibly wooden folks. However, I won’t stand for her acting as though she doesn’t understand what Kourtney means when she claims to have eaten vegan sushi in an effort to make her appear foolish. Everyone is aware that when you say “vegan” in front of an animal product, you’re talking about a replacement! Why is she arguing against Kourtney, who is almost entirely vegan, on this point? Tofu-based vegan sushi is a thing!

Most Annoying/Cool Confessional Habit: Khloé has a confessional quirk that she just can’t seem to let go of. She tilts her head to a 45-degree angle and bobs back and forth in her seat whenever she is outright lying, leaving out any information, or simply reading from the screenplay in her head. She appears to be stuck in the middle of a rough sea and is attempting to accept her fate. This cannot be avoided once it has been noticed. Is it annoying? Sure. However, it’s also a tonne of fun to time, and it actually gives the plot a degree of inadvertent transparency.

Brandon James

Brandon James is a Journalist at Flaunt Weekly.

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