We’ve all been there. You see another guy on the other side of the bar talking effortlessly to a woman you’d love to be with. But you can’t get past the idea that all your attempts to talk will end in rejection.
You might have researched a few chat-up lines and dating guides, but has it occurred to you that your way of thinking could be the problem? The founder of The Grand Male, number one dating coach Grand Cam, helps guys understand the mental obstacles that keep them from connecting with women. Experience taught him that being insecure and focusing on the superficial will only hinder progress toward a meaningful relationship.
“Since I was younger, I’ve been able to quickly grow from insecurities to becoming positive and outgoing,” Cam says. “I did it by always seeing the vision that I would be better than who I am today.”
Creating Your Grand Vision
The coach alludes to one of his fundamental principles for improving masculinity and dating success. Entitled ‘The Grand Vision,’ in line with The Grand Male mentorship program, it calls on men to view their future more aspirationally.
Start by thinking about where you currently see yourself in a day, a year, or ten years. Then, consider how it would feel to be the ideal man you’re striving to be. Get into the details; imagine how you’d communicate, feel, move, and others might perceive you.
Focusing on the end product, rather than the tribulations of your everyday life, will allow you to move more positively towards your goal. The path to attaining your Grand Vision becomes more fun, exciting, and aligned with your identity. You’ll stay inspired rather than overcome with self-doubt and negative thoughts.
It’s not just what you want; it’s the beginning of what you deserve. Creating this vision statement will allow you to overcome past traumas limiting your openness and growth. These negative experiences, if left unresolved, increase the influence of your ego on your character, making you more vulnerable to insecurity.
Put It In Reverse
Now you know what you deserve, the next step is to get there. You might think this is the hard part, but, in reality, visualizing your ideal future takes much of the load off. Mental obstacles prevent men from becoming positive and outgoing as much as their actual lifestyles do.
Cam describes the second principle as ‘reverse engineering.’ You might find that thinking so much about your Grand Vision has made it feel more realistic, but the mountain to climb is still too high. Reverse engineering is about removing the overwhelming factor from your aspirations.
“Look at everything you created in your vision,” the dating coach begins. “Instead of figuring out how to get there, act as if you already had it and work backward to learn the steps. This way, it becomes less overwhelming because you’ve understood the path ahead.”
In a more practical sense, you should also work out how to get your dream woman. Where does she hang out? Envision yourself belonging in that room with her, and then trace back the steps to getting there and having a great conversation.
You can even reverse-engineer the conversation itself. Think about what kind of man your perfect woman would want and what might catch her attention differently from other men. Then, approach the exchange naturally with the openness you’ve learned from overcoming your insecurity. But don’t get too wrapped up in sealing a second date and forget to decide whether she compliments your newfound masculinity.
By eliminating the limiting beliefs that could lower your potential as a man, you can find more success with women and overcome negative feelings. It’s not all intense—Grand Cam encourages using pets, travel, movies, food, and fun as starting points for a deeper emotional connection. You couldn’t have been on that level if you hadn’t created your Grand Vision and reverse-engineered the steps to get there.
